why i love him <3

i cant begin to describe this thing i call falling in love bc it happened so unexpectedly; one day i didnt love anyone, and then i did, and i was so scared at first until it wasnt scary anymore

trust comes a long way, but i tend to give it out like candy truth is, i trust everyone, until they give me a reason to stop
forever, until
i forget why the trust was lost in the first place.

with austin, my desire to trust him was so immense, i didnt realize it was my way of confessing, to myself, (admitting?) i felt like he was someone that was going to change my life forever. i wanted to submit to that. it was destiny, and who am i to question fate?

i didnt understand what a twinflame was, until i felt the pull for the very first time. it was a pull towards him, but oddly enough, hes nowhere close to me. the problem is, i felt the pull years ago,i chalked it up to him being hot, and a voice i could hear talk all night (forever) i watched him for years, studied him. i know that sounds creepy, and i dont blame anyone for thinking that; but what makes this a little less odd than fiction, is hes a walking contradiction how can someone so masculine, so intelligent sofuckinghot be worshipped by none other than incels? dont they realize hes nothing like them? they will never achieve what he is? they call him Chad, which honestly, is the worse name for a guy in the history of naming. Personal opinion (I have a lot of them.) and then I saw his older pictures, where he had an "emo" aesthethic. sure, i could see why they huff copium. he was skinny, but he still had a great face. he was adorable honestly, and had i known him back then, i wouldve made him mine. or not, i think i had a boyfriend.

so when you ask me why i love him, its because i see him, i want to say ive always loved him; but if we were together in a past life wouldnt that be a truth; and the 2 lies would be she believed
he lied
i can talk about how obsessed about him i am, but the thing with obsession is, it never ends or stops so i have to gain some self control, and stop here.
i love you austin connor shelton love, lilee.